did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
