so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
