I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
