Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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