Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
