You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
