Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
