this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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