i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
