fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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