I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
