And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
