i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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