So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
