You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
