what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
