now i know why i became what i already was.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
