worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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