I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
