By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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