the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
