mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Found your dick twin last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
