does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
