Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
