and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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