Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize