Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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