dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
