I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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