Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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