A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
