haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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