Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
