Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
