So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize