How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
