So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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