There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Couch. On fire.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
