Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
