if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
