Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
