My nipple is on Facebook.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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