I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
