Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
