gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
