so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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