After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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