Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
