the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He better not be in your backpack
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
