If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just threw up on my dentist
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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