As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize