The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
