New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
