Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
