If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
