Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
