First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
