Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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