My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
