Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
