I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
