Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
