I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
